Thursday, December 22, 2011


O Come All Ye FaithfulJoyful and triumphant,O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.Come and behold Him,Born the King of Angels;O come, let us adore Him,O come, let us adore Him,O come, let us adore Him,Christ the Lord.

No matter how many times in my life I have heard those lyrics, my eyes fill full of tears. This is my favorite Christmas song that pays homage to the reason the holiday is celebrated. I love Santa and Rudolph but this song tugs on my heart strings.

It has been awhile since I last wrote on this blog. I have been a busy father raising my two wonderful babes Liam and Isabella. Belle is super excited that Santa Claus is coming to town by the way. Yet I felt the need tonight to ease my pains the best way I know how which is to tap tap tap on my keyboard until my head has cleared the way for my thoughts to just drift off into a mindless TV program and then to sleep. Tonight's serving will be the latest episode of The League. And the earlier serving consisted of the tear jerking X Factor. Yes I actually cried during some of the moments. I am a dreamer and I believe that I can do anything I put my mind too so to see people go on these shows and catch their dreams it is touching to me. People like Chris Rene sober for 8 months and a day now so he could chase his dreams and be a better dad. Both things that are close to my heart. I have never been afraid to cry as Jim Valvano once said "If you laugh, you think and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day." I have always believed if that is what you have to do then let your emotions go when you are touched by something.

The reason I sat down to type tonight was not because I wanted to tell you about how I cried at the X Factor finale. It was maybe to get off my chest why I was feeling so emotional tonight. I have experienced alot of tragedy in my life, I have seen rock bottom , and I have contemplated ending it all on numerous occasions. Yet, no matter how far down the line I would fall, or how hard life would smack me off my feet I have continued to move forward. No matter what life had for me, no matter how alone I felt, I have always found a way to stand up and continue on. My writing has been my best friend since I would hide underneath an old tree in my grandmother's apple orchards for hours and just create stories or songs to ease my mind. I could still to this day be in a crowded room and feel alone. Which leads me to my point of why I sat down to write this evening.....I cant stand in a crowded room and feel alone any longer.

I am a 34 year old husband, father, son, brother and to a small few I believe I am a friend. I have lived my entire life asking what might have been due to the death of my father when I was just one year old. And today what might have been stops and becomes what will be. The reasoning for this sudden change 33 years after the fact is that now I have one of those moments in the life that you arrive at that leaves you with no option to continue the way you have been.

Two days ago I was told by my doctor that I had an object located right below my ribcage on my right side of my abdomen. As we continued to talk I heard the words come out in almost in slow motion as he said the words Soft Tissue Sarcoma. Now this was not only in slow motion but also sounded like a language that was like nothing I had ever heard. I have not spent much time dealing with Dr's of my own, matter of fact my only surgery I have ever had is when I have my wisdom teeth removed. I have never even had an IV or been put under. Yet on January 19th, 2012 I will travel to my first appointment with a surgeon to see what exactly has invaded my abdomen and what the course of action is for this. I pray with my heart and soul that this is just a blip on the timeline of my life but I also pray with all of my soul that I am here for my children always. Part of me writes this out of fear and the need to fill my hunger to write and the other to remind each and everyone that reads this to love with all of your hearts this Christmas. Do not let someones look if they don't like your present upset you, do not let crazy customers that want your job over $25 get you down. Do not let the guy or gal that stole that parking spot make you angry. If someone flips you the bird this season....maybe you deserved it or maybe they think you are #1.

2012.....will be the year that my life is going to have some firsts. My first novel will be finished by the end of 2012. My first promotion will happen one way or the other in 2012. I will step foot on the field at Notre Dame Stadium. And of course I will meet with the surgeon for the first time in my life on January 19th.

If you read this remember to love this holiday season, be a little more understanding, don't expect the world but enjoy all around you. Merry Christmas to all of you and sorry for rambling I just had to say something.

Oh and an update on my Liam and Isabella her is a pic.......

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