Friday, April 8, 2011

A poem about my father and the news that makes me remember

Love From The Sky
I watch you walk around this world
not even knowing where to turn
gazing to the sky with that dazed look in your eyes
I try to reach you from the clouds but my hands just seem to miss
But don't you give up now
because soon you will find your bridge
and it will lead you to the dreams
that you have had since childhood
help you stand up tall
like I always knew you would
and when those times come
when things seem out of reach
just look up to the clouds
and I will give a little wink
Son then you will know that I believe in you
and just remember your words
It Will Not Rain Because
Of You

I wrote that poem over ten years ago when I honestly was so sad about life that I really had no clue where I was heading but it didn't seem to be anywhere good at the time. I remember going to sleep and dreaming about a person standing 50 yards away from me in the pouring rain and they were yelling to me but all I good hear was wind and thunder and all I could see was a siloutte of a man. Then out of no where a bolt of lightning hit between us and the view was clear it was my father and he whispered "Go"! I woke up and wrote that poem and it eased alot of the pain that I have had my entire life. It was weird for me because my Dad had died sixteen days after my first birthday, so to see him in a dream was super cool yet heart wrenching as well.

The reason this poem comes to mind tonight has to do with my other parent. I had called my mother earlier and we spoke for around twenty minutes and then hung up. A few moment later my mom called back and told me she had some news for me. She started by telling me how she had been sick for over a month and when she was at her most recent appointment the Dr told her he had found a polyp that was so big it may seel her air way. Now in most people polyps are benign little masses that just need removed, so I was fine with hearing this, but what freaks me out is the people that these are not benign the symptoms are hoarseness in voice, a history of an overactive thyroid, as well as people that smoke heavily. My mom has all of these traits and both her parents succumbed to cancer, so unfortunately her appointment in two weeks cannot come quick enough.

Life is a crazy whirlwind of events that make us who we are.  I have seen 6 people close to me fall to cancer and with each of them they were feeling off and then they went and found out at the Dr that the pulled muscle, the headaches or the sore throat was actually their body betraying them. I know that I shouldn't worry but with each of those people they were no longer on Earth within two years of that first appointment.

I know that all I can do is pray to God that all is ok but it is hard for me to maintain my cool. I lost my father when I was one and in 33 years I have attended the funerals of 40 people that I have loved. I just now started to get what I want in life and I have a beautiful family that I have laid the foundation for with my wife. I love my little girl and my newborn son so much. But I have no clue how a Mama's boy can face life without his Mom.

I am sorry to all who may read this but if you made it this far your prayers are greatly appreciated.

It Will Not Rain

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